Perfection

I have literally been staring at my monitor for the past 30 minutes trying to think of the perfect way to start this post. Not a joke. This tells you two things - first, my math homework is not getting done tonight, and second, I have issues with perfection (or at least, in my mind, something approaching it), which is actually want I want to write about - how convenient!

I want to be perfect. It's a goal of mine, and I truly believe it is a possibility..eventually. If you don't believe me, here's an incredible quote from President Spencer W. Kimball:

"One of the great teachings of the Man of Galilee, the Lord Jesus Christ, was that you and I carry within us immense possibilities. In urging us to be perfect as our Father in Heaven is perfect, Jesus was not taunting us or teasing us. He was telling us a powerful truth about our possibilities and about our potential. It is a truth almost too stunning to contemplate. Jesus, who could not lie, sought to beckon us to move further along the pathway to perfection" (Jesus: The Perfect Leader, 1983).


I absolutely believe that we should be striving for perfection in our own lives - it should be a goal of ours and we should constantly be working towards it. But all too often I find myself focusing too much on the destination, and not enough on the journey. President Kimball didn't say that Christ 'sought to beckon us' to become perfect immediately, but "to move further along the pathway to perfection." In fact, following the above statement we read:

"We are not yet perfect as Jesus was, but unless those about us can see us striving and improving, they will not be able to look to us for example.."


The idea, at this point in our progression, is to simply be 'striving and improving' - working towards perfection, not necessarily achieving it (because, let's be honest, this perfection business it kind of tough).

So here's my problem (and the reason I'm writing all of this - I had no intention of getting all Gospel-y on you..) - my over-focus on perfection (especially as a destination..) manages to find its way into my daily life, and I allow it to become a hindrance. Strange? Yes. True? Yes. Not only do I want to be perfect, I want everything in my life to happen perfectly. I want every conversation to be as smooth and effective as possible, I want jokes I tell to go exactly how I imagine them, every time I play a sport I dread messing up even a single time, I want to have an answer to every question, an insight to every dilemma, and a solution to every problem. Instead of motivating me to do and become more, these desires become a source of paralyzing fear, or distress, in my life.

I used to lose sleep after every soccer game, replaying, over and over, every moment of the game that I should have performed better. I hate asking girls out because I dread the awkward conversation - for both of us. I have trouble deciding on date ideas - not because I don't have any ideas, but because I am sure there are better things that I'm failing to consider. I don't answer questions that I know the answer to because I am sure my response won't be eloquent enough (at least for my liking). The list goes on and on - I spend too much time in my comfort zone because I can control what goes on in there - it's almost perfect.

I'm sure none of this makes any sense to you - I wouldn't expect it to. I am certainly not the only person who desires a perfectly flowing life, so what makes me think writing about all of this is necessary? It's not necessary, first of all - blogs are never necessary..but really, I've just been realizing how absurd my quest for over-perfection is.

So here's my new 'on my way to perfection' goal - embrace the imperfection. Enjoy the awkward conversations, realize when good enough really is good enough, and get over it. It's time we all learn (me especially) that the imperfections - those times we'd like to forget, the times we stumble and fall, when we make a fool of ourselves, when we achieve less than we should have, the rejection, the heartache and disappointments - are all preparing us for, and will help us appreciate so much more, the greater things that await.

I'm beginning to realize that it is the imperfections that make those precious little moments - when things actually work out, when you couldn't have planned it any better - just perfect.