About Me

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I'm Kyle, and I forget when I start my laundry. Also, I am a small human being and apparently a college student. I laugh a lot - usually in my brain, and usually when nobody else laughs. Oh, and I've probably consumed more Skittles than any other human being on planet earth.
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Guest Post! What?!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

(Alright folks, here's the deal - Sometimes I don't have anything to write, but I set a goal to post something every month. This is a problem. Well, it used to be, but then I invented the idea of guest authors - ta-da! You're welcome blogging world. I can't believe nobody thought of it sooner.....

So meet my wonderful friend Erica Ellen! She is one of my favorite human beings alive, she is native, which makes her even more awesome, and she was kind enough to write a post for my blog. She is pretty dang awesome. Word.

Now, just for the record, I did not assign her a topic. Fo rizzle. I did not make her say these things, I promise - she wrote them so I posted them.

With that in mind...Enjoy!)

Kyle Joseph asked me to be his very first guest author on his rarely read blog, and then told me that I could write about anything.. which is the worst thing you can tell someone like me.
in a flash of good judgment,  I told him that he needed to tell me what to write about, and he said,

"Whatever you'd like - you may have noticed the blog has no point, so anything goes! It can be serious or funny, long or short, fact or fiction, happy or sad.
"I know that provides no direction, but sometimes that's good?"

then I gave him options.. one option I knew would really grind his gears..
a list of why dark chocolate M&Ms are better than Skittles
the other option is the subject that I've decided to write about, but I've renamed it..
because I'm pretty sure Kyle Joseph has a lady friend that he won't tell me about, annnnnnd
I don't want her to think I'm a creeper.. even if the title would've been just to make him feel awkward. which is one of the reasons I keep him around.. because he is so awkward.
so I give unto you, the rare readers of Kyle Joseph's awkward life story..

Twelve Reasons Kyle Joseph is One of My Favorite People Ever

1. He is willing to listen to whatever ridiculous thing you have to say.
     Which for me, is a good thing, because I am a pretty ridiculous person.. and I don't see why he would ever feel the need to make an exception for me. So, I'm going to assume he does the same for most people. It doesn't matter what stupid thing you are talking about, he will listen. Granted, he is totally making fun of you in his head, but he's pretty good at keeping it to himself. If you're fortunate enough to be stupid, you won't even realize that he's making fun of you if he does happen to verbalize it. Which isn't often, he is a man of few words.

2. His favorite Disney Princess is Belle. Not Cinderella, not Aurora, not Jasmine, Belle.
     This is significant because Belle is the most admirable of the Disney Princessess. For one, she is the least skanky Disney Princess. She's also the most independent, she is intelligent, and she's not afraid to be different. The other princesses are whiny, and want/need to be rescued. Belle is the heroine. Also, if any of the other Disney Princesses had been put in her situation, the ending would not have been so great. The beast would have died, and we wouldn't have a ginger prince. Or the beast would be alive, rockin' the single life, and Gaston wouldn't have had to ask more than once.. but I digress.

3. He will kill giant spiders in your trunk, despite being like... little-girl-afraid of them.
     Once there was a huge, and ferocious black widow in the trunk of my car. I didn't know it was a black widow, I just knew that for the past month, there was a spider that kept spinning webs, and I was scared to put things in my trunk. So, not knowing he's scared of spiders, I asked Kyle if he would kill it for me. We went out to my car, popped open the trunk, and looked around for the spider. We found it, I was super creeped out.. we took a picture, then Kyle manned up and killed it. We named her Gail.

4. He is not afraid to tell you how dumb you are for liking Twilight.
     In 2007-2008 I was under the impression that the Twilight series was fantastic. In February of 2008, he told me why Twilight is the worst thing to ever happen to the written word.. and he did not hold back. I totally cried. It was on facebook, and it consisted of three very long wall posts.
     "The books are unhealthy and quite repetitive. There is no character development and the main characters are annoying. Yes I didn't think they were all that bad at first, but things have changed. Again, the only reason girls like the books is because they just sit and picture themselves with Edward. Us guys don't do that ( I didn't anyways) because Bella is whiny and completely helpless, not to mention self destructive."
     That is just a small portion of what he said to me.. even if it all made me cry at the time, I'm definitely a better person for it.

5. He won't get mad when you call him in the middle of the night to cry because your douche-bag boyfriend dumped you over a text message.
     It was around 1:30 am, on a school night, a week or two before finals.. and I just needed to cry and tell someone.. so what did I do? Well, because I am a horribly inconsiderate person, I called my best friend. He answered, didn't get mad, and he listened to me cry like a baby, because that's the kind of boy he is.. the good kind.

6. He has a Kermit the Frog-esque voice.
     Coupled with straight sarcasm, it's an entertaining mix.. and who doesn't love Kermit the Frog?

7. He wants to find Sasquatch, and is kind of obsessed with skinwalkers.
     I will never forget the day he told me about installing (or delivering) something (an air conditioner, maybe?) at the Skinwalker/UFO Ranch. The way his eyes lit up, you would think that he was a child that just met Santa Clause. He's gone skinwalker hunting. He loves the ridiculousness that is Finding Bigfoot. I wouldn't be surprised if he went into the wilderness to practice his squatch calls.

8. He still has a myspace page.
      He has an old school song, a picture of the gate to skinwalker ranch, and his mission address.. And a ton of old pictures of him in ill fitting clothes, and bad hair cuts. Sometimes, as in like maaaaybe once a year, it is almost worth it to remember your myspace password to look at all of the magnificence.

9. He likes to have popcorn for dinner.
     Which is a good thing, because I have witnessed him mess up EasyMac. Yeah, EasyMac.

10. You can win back his friendship with a bag or two of Skittles.
     In high school, I needed a partner for co-ed for cheerleading. Practice every day at 7 am for a week to perform a dance once is not my idea of fun, and that's a lot to ask of a boy.. but I asked Kyle anyway. He showed up for practice, and since he was the smallest boy, the two seniors decided it would be a good idea to have him be the flyer in an all-boy-basket-toss.
     I will never ever ever ever forget the sight of him flopping around like a fish out of water as he flew up in the air. It was mixture of glorious, and hilarious. I still kind of feel bad for asking him to do it.. but only kind of.. to make up for it, I bought him a ton of Skittles, and we are still friends.. so obviously it works.

11. He will sing Disney songs, "I Believe in a Thing Called Love," old school Taylor Swift songs, and Kelly Clarkson's hit single, "Since You've Been Gone" at the top of his lungs with you.
     We made the long voyage from Cedar City to Roosevelt together once.. and if you have never made that drive, let me tell you, it is a long and boring one, but a necessary evil at the time. So, to entertain ourselves, we sang.. to be honest, I'm not sure if you could call that singing, but we did it.. and it remains one of my favorite "road trip" memories.

12. He loves the gospel.
     I can't think of many people that are a better example of loving, and living the gospel than Kyle Joseph. I'm super thankful that I had him to be that example for me.. because without it, I'm not so sure that I would have the relationship that I do with the Savior, and Heavenly Father. Which is kind of a scary thought, because I would definitely be a total hot mess without it.

Those are just twelve of the many reasons that Kyle Joseph is one of my favorite people ever..
and ways that I have taken advantage of our friendship.. I'm kind of a horrible friend like that.

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