Perfection

I have literally been staring at my monitor for the past 30 minutes trying to think of the perfect way to start this post. Not a joke. This tells you two things - first, my math homework is not getting done tonight, and second, I have issues with perfection (or at least, in my mind, something approaching it), which is actually want I want to write about - how convenient!

I want to be perfect. It's a goal of mine, and I truly believe it is a possibility..eventually. If you don't believe me, here's an incredible quote from President Spencer W. Kimball:

"One of the great teachings of the Man of Galilee, the Lord Jesus Christ, was that you and I carry within us immense possibilities. In urging us to be perfect as our Father in Heaven is perfect, Jesus was not taunting us or teasing us. He was telling us a powerful truth about our possibilities and about our potential. It is a truth almost too stunning to contemplate. Jesus, who could not lie, sought to beckon us to move further along the pathway to perfection" (Jesus: The Perfect Leader, 1983).


I absolutely believe that we should be striving for perfection in our own lives - it should be a goal of ours and we should constantly be working towards it. But all too often I find myself focusing too much on the destination, and not enough on the journey. President Kimball didn't say that Christ 'sought to beckon us' to become perfect immediately, but "to move further along the pathway to perfection." In fact, following the above statement we read:

"We are not yet perfect as Jesus was, but unless those about us can see us striving and improving, they will not be able to look to us for example.."


The idea, at this point in our progression, is to simply be 'striving and improving' - working towards perfection, not necessarily achieving it (because, let's be honest, this perfection business it kind of tough).

So here's my problem (and the reason I'm writing all of this - I had no intention of getting all Gospel-y on you..) - my over-focus on perfection (especially as a destination..) manages to find its way into my daily life, and I allow it to become a hindrance. Strange? Yes. True? Yes. Not only do I want to be perfect, I want everything in my life to happen perfectly. I want every conversation to be as smooth and effective as possible, I want jokes I tell to go exactly how I imagine them, every time I play a sport I dread messing up even a single time, I want to have an answer to every question, an insight to every dilemma, and a solution to every problem. Instead of motivating me to do and become more, these desires become a source of paralyzing fear, or distress, in my life.

I used to lose sleep after every soccer game, replaying, over and over, every moment of the game that I should have performed better. I hate asking girls out because I dread the awkward conversation - for both of us. I have trouble deciding on date ideas - not because I don't have any ideas, but because I am sure there are better things that I'm failing to consider. I don't answer questions that I know the answer to because I am sure my response won't be eloquent enough (at least for my liking). The list goes on and on - I spend too much time in my comfort zone because I can control what goes on in there - it's almost perfect.

I'm sure none of this makes any sense to you - I wouldn't expect it to. I am certainly not the only person who desires a perfectly flowing life, so what makes me think writing about all of this is necessary? It's not necessary, first of all - blogs are never necessary..but really, I've just been realizing how absurd my quest for over-perfection is.

So here's my new 'on my way to perfection' goal - embrace the imperfection. Enjoy the awkward conversations, realize when good enough really is good enough, and get over it. It's time we all learn (me especially) that the imperfections - those times we'd like to forget, the times we stumble and fall, when we make a fool of ourselves, when we achieve less than we should have, the rejection, the heartache and disappointments - are all preparing us for, and will help us appreciate so much more, the greater things that await.

I'm beginning to realize that it is the imperfections that make those precious little moments - when things actually work out, when you couldn't have planned it any better - just perfect.

I have nothing to say

I have no words.

Seriously, none.

Theoretically this little post would be introducing you to my blog - you know, telling you what to expect, why I created the blog in the first place, and informing you of the life-changing goodness that you will experience each and every time you visit. But here's the thing - I created this blog over a year ago and I still don't know what you can expect (or what I expect, for that matter), I can't remember exactly why I created it, and I don't believe for a second that I actually have anything to say that will change your life (for the better, at least).

Yeah, so I created a blog. A year ago. And for a year nothing changed - I didn't post a single thing! Starting a blog seemed like a good idea at the time, but once I started typing I quickly realized that in order to create a blog post you need to have something to say, and I had nothing. Now I am aware that countless people talk, type, and text endlessly when they really have nothing to say, but I didn't want to join that club. Now perhaps you're thinking "Great! He spent a year coming up with intelligent and relevant topics to blog about, right? Or at least spent a year compiling funny stories to share? This should be good." Well...no. I just waited a year to join the 'I have nothing to say but I'm saying it anyway' club. Sorry to disappoint.

But seriously, why am I starting a blog? It's a good question, but I'm not totally sure how to answer it. I honestly can't remember the circumstances that prompted me to create the blog, but there are a couple reasons I decided to keep it. First of all, I like to write. I'm not a talented writer - I have a small vocabulary, I use too many commas and way too many periods, and I put dashes where they don't belong - but I like to write and wanted to find a place where I could write and people could read. It's not that any of you need to read what I write, I just need somebody to read it. I have this strange belief that if I write something that nobody reads, it is as if it had never been written, and in most cases that just doesn't make sense. Of course, most of what I write will probably be fairly pointless, so maybe it does make sense? Moving on....

The second reason I've decided to become some sort of blogger is the fact that a lot of people that know me don't really know me. Hold on...what? True story. Although I'm not really sure why, I've noticed I'm not very good at letting people get to know me - the me you know (sarcastic, freakishly laid back, carefree, sarcastic, and a little more sarcastic), is not the whole me. Of course it would be foolish to believe that just by writing random nothingness on the interweb everybody will suddenly know me on a whole different level, but I do think that allowing you a little glimpse into my brain will be a good thing - for me at least.

So, with all of that being said, welcome to my blog! I'm sure it will be more self-indulgent than necessary (or than is even acceptable..sorry Sister), and more pointless than not, but here it is. I can't promise your visit will be worth your time, I can't guarantee that you'll enjoy what you read, and I am certain that my blogging skills will pale in comparison with those on display here and here (by two of my favorite people on the planet, by the way), but what you read will be real, and that's what I'm going for. Pointless? Yes. Long-winded? Obviously. Will I be trying too hard? Most likely. But real nonetheless.

I hope you enjoy your stay.

Dear Wife-to-be

Dear Wife-to-be,

I'm trying.

I'm trying to find you. I realize this is exactly what I should be doing, and I will admit it's taken me longer to get started than it should have, so I don't tell you this in some paltry attempt to impress - I just want you to know that I'm trying. Please don't give up on me - it sure would be disappointing if I found you right as you found someone else.

I don't know you yet, but I know this - you're out of my league. You are out of my league and I thank you for it. I wake up every morning with the intent of becoming a little bit better, doing a little bit more, so that, day by day, I can get closer to where you already are. Of course, your rate of improvement is greater than mine, so I'll never actually catch up, but that's okay - just know I'm trying.

Now let me just tell you - I'm crazy about you! You make me want to sing out loud and dance the night away, and those are two things I don't often have the desire to do. It's your hair, your eyes, and your smile..and it's much more than that - it's you.

There are so many things I want to tell you, so much I'd like to share, but it will just have to wait - I've got to find you first. There are a lot of things I don't know, but this one thing I have come to know all too well - I will never truly be home, until I find you.

And I want to go home.

I'm trying. Remember that, will you?