Women

Let me tell you a story. I love stories. I love telling them (even though they always take me too long to tell), and I love hearing them - I hope you don't mind.

So there I was, sitting on a ride called Jr. Gemini, at an amusement park called Cedar Point. This place is quite possibly the most fun place on the planet, and I was ecstatic to be there. I was not, however, ecstatic to be on this particular ride. It's a roller coaster for kids, it was too small, and slow, and lame, for me to be riding. I felt embarrassed to be sitting on the ride waiting for it to start, and to make matters worse, I was the odd one out in my siblings - they all sat next to each other while I had to sit all alone. Sad day. So I just sat there, wishing the ride would start so we could get it over with, when suddenly a woman approached and asked if her daughter could sit next to me. Of course I said yes, even though I was (and still am, obviously) afraid of girls. The woman then explained to me that her daughter is blind, and then turned to her daughter and said  "Don't worry, this nice boy will be next to you the whole time, and I'll be waiting right here when you get back."

That is the power of a mother. This girl couldn't see - she had no way of knowing what kind of ride was really in store. She couldn't see how high, or how long, or how fast this roller coaster was. She couldn't see the twists and turns that awaited her, or the ups and downs she was about to experience. She couldn't even see the random stranger that she was suddenly sitting next to - she didn't know me or anyone else on that ride. All she knew was that her mother suggested the ride, found someone for her to sit next to, and would be waiting for her return, and that was enough - she got on the roller coaster.

There is just something special about mothers - they give birth to you, they change your diapers, they wake up in the middle of the night, night after night, to take care of you, they pick out your outfits and do your hair, they care for you when you're sick, they care for you when you're not sick, they continue to care long after you stopped caring, and then they teach you to care again. The list could go on and on - this world would be a mess without mothers. I realize this is the ideal - not all mothers are always there, not all mothers care as they should. Mothers too, fall short, and I recognize this. One of the beautiful opportunities life provides is being able to learn from others - from their success as well as their mistakes, from what they do as well as what they don't do. No matter your mother, you can learn from her and improve yourself, and for that we should all be grateful.

Now let me tell you a little bit about my mother.

I have to be honest with you, when it comes to the typical 'mom duties' my mom probably wouldn't win any awards. She isn't the world's greatest house keeper, she isn't a gourmet chef, she can be forgetful (she used to forget to pick me up after school between sports seasons all the time..), she isn't the most organized woman on the planet and she is short (but very good at passing on short genes). But, despite all of these supposed shortcomings (which aren't really shortcomings at all - she's just human), she is the greatest mother I could have asked for. While she doesn't have every scripture memorized and doesn't have the answer to every question, she is a master teacher. It's not that she sits us down often and starts teaching (or preaching), and it's not necessarily that she has an overabundance of knowledge just waiting to be shared - she's a master teacher mostly unintentionally, and that's why it's so effective.

My mother's life is one of service. We're not just talking send a card to a lonely person service, or help the lady with her groceries service - we're talking full on service projects that take too long and require more than anybody realizes. We're talking creating and/or gathering hundreds and thousands of items to be donated to people in need. It's difficult for me to fully explain the level to which my mother serves, and I won't even attempt to - she is literally involved in some sort of service project at all times. No joke, always. I honestly can't remember a time where there was not some sort of service project in process at my house - usually there are multiple service projects scattered around the house at the same time.

My mom lives what she knows to be true, and I'm extremely grateful for it. My mom doesn't teach sermons - she lives them. Her life is a sermon, a testament, and she's unintentionally creating a legacy worth remembering (and replicating). I was once asked, on stage, what my favorite thing about my mom was - I tried to be clever and funny, and responded with some remark about how she is willing to laugh with us. If I had the chance to answer that question again there would be no hesitation, I would answer it the right way - She cares. If there is a job to be done she'll do it, if there is a need she'll meet it. She puts the needs of others, often complete strangers, before her own. She lives a Christlike life by doing as He did.

I am grateful for my mother, and for countless other mothers out there who take their responsibilities seriously and serve so selflessly. I think it is appropriate that we have a day set aside to remember and honor our mothers, and I appreciate the refocus on the family it tends to bring. Thank you Mom, and thank you mothers.

While I do appreciate mothers, I want to broaden my thank you to include women everywhere. There are countless women, both young and old, married and single, with and without children, who set wonderful examples for those around them, and I for one, appreciate it. There are women everywhere who are virtuous, graceful, caring, considerate, kind, compassionate, strong, and humble. There is something particularly special about a woman who understands who she really is, and knows her divine potential. So thank you - thank you for living the way you know you should, for setting a great example - for setting a standard. I am amazed by your kindness, your goodness, and your strength. You may not see these things in yourself, but I do, and I know many others who do as well. While we can all do more, and can all continue to improve and become more, the trail you blaze and the path you leave behind do not go unnoticed, and they are a source of strength and motivation for those around you. Trust me, I am one of those, and I am constantly motivated to live up to the standard you (once again, often unintentionally) set.

So thank you. Remember who you are, who you really are - a daughter of God. Remember what that means, or discover what that means, and let it continue to be a motivation for you.

Once again, thank you.

"How thankful I am, how thankful we all must be, for the women in our lives. God bless them. May His great love distill upon them and crown them with luster and beauty, grace and faith."

-Gordon B. Hinckley

Chasing Sunsets

"Only in Kansas can you chase a sunset."

That simple sentence gave me a lot to think about. "I'm in Kansas, how did I end up out here?" I thought as we silently chased the sun. Chasing sunsets - that's really what we do. As we chase the sun, we're chasing light - that's how I ended up here; I found light some time ago, and I've been sent here to bring that light to those who have been, and are, chasing it. As they 'chase the sun' are they even aware? Do they realize the object of their search? Do they know that the light is within their reach? Perhaps some do - I think so. But more often than not, the answer is no. But there is one who always knows, He is keenly aware - He is, after all, the creator of light, and He starts each one of us on our search for it. Then once we find it, after searching long and hard, He tells us "Hold it up, there are others searching too." So we hold up our light, it's all we know to do. We hold it out, we hold it up, we don't apologize - we can't, because we know the truth.

Then something happens, something changes, and it's then that we realize we have just become a part of another person's search. Life is now different, it can't be the same. It's no longer just about me - I'm holding a light that countless others are looking for.

It's times like this that I feel small, that I feel I can't do it alone - and I can't; it's like that by design you know, we're not in this alone. It's not really even our light that we're holding up, it's His - and it's His banner to the world. Keep in mind - a candle does not create light, it carries it. So I carry the light, holding it up as high as I can, knowing as I do my part, He will always do His. Remember - He started each and every one on their search, and He gently guides them along the way.

I think I'll always remember this calm October night, as we tried to chase the sun, and catch its golden light. For it's times like these that I realize I am a part of something much larger than myself.

Perfection

I have literally been staring at my monitor for the past 30 minutes trying to think of the perfect way to start this post. Not a joke. This tells you two things - first, my math homework is not getting done tonight, and second, I have issues with perfection (or at least, in my mind, something approaching it), which is actually want I want to write about - how convenient!

I want to be perfect. It's a goal of mine, and I truly believe it is a possibility..eventually. If you don't believe me, here's an incredible quote from President Spencer W. Kimball:

"One of the great teachings of the Man of Galilee, the Lord Jesus Christ, was that you and I carry within us immense possibilities. In urging us to be perfect as our Father in Heaven is perfect, Jesus was not taunting us or teasing us. He was telling us a powerful truth about our possibilities and about our potential. It is a truth almost too stunning to contemplate. Jesus, who could not lie, sought to beckon us to move further along the pathway to perfection" (Jesus: The Perfect Leader, 1983).


I absolutely believe that we should be striving for perfection in our own lives - it should be a goal of ours and we should constantly be working towards it. But all too often I find myself focusing too much on the destination, and not enough on the journey. President Kimball didn't say that Christ 'sought to beckon us' to become perfect immediately, but "to move further along the pathway to perfection." In fact, following the above statement we read:

"We are not yet perfect as Jesus was, but unless those about us can see us striving and improving, they will not be able to look to us for example.."


The idea, at this point in our progression, is to simply be 'striving and improving' - working towards perfection, not necessarily achieving it (because, let's be honest, this perfection business it kind of tough).

So here's my problem (and the reason I'm writing all of this - I had no intention of getting all Gospel-y on you..) - my over-focus on perfection (especially as a destination..) manages to find its way into my daily life, and I allow it to become a hindrance. Strange? Yes. True? Yes. Not only do I want to be perfect, I want everything in my life to happen perfectly. I want every conversation to be as smooth and effective as possible, I want jokes I tell to go exactly how I imagine them, every time I play a sport I dread messing up even a single time, I want to have an answer to every question, an insight to every dilemma, and a solution to every problem. Instead of motivating me to do and become more, these desires become a source of paralyzing fear, or distress, in my life.

I used to lose sleep after every soccer game, replaying, over and over, every moment of the game that I should have performed better. I hate asking girls out because I dread the awkward conversation - for both of us. I have trouble deciding on date ideas - not because I don't have any ideas, but because I am sure there are better things that I'm failing to consider. I don't answer questions that I know the answer to because I am sure my response won't be eloquent enough (at least for my liking). The list goes on and on - I spend too much time in my comfort zone because I can control what goes on in there - it's almost perfect.

I'm sure none of this makes any sense to you - I wouldn't expect it to. I am certainly not the only person who desires a perfectly flowing life, so what makes me think writing about all of this is necessary? It's not necessary, first of all - blogs are never necessary..but really, I've just been realizing how absurd my quest for over-perfection is.

So here's my new 'on my way to perfection' goal - embrace the imperfection. Enjoy the awkward conversations, realize when good enough really is good enough, and get over it. It's time we all learn (me especially) that the imperfections - those times we'd like to forget, the times we stumble and fall, when we make a fool of ourselves, when we achieve less than we should have, the rejection, the heartache and disappointments - are all preparing us for, and will help us appreciate so much more, the greater things that await.

I'm beginning to realize that it is the imperfections that make those precious little moments - when things actually work out, when you couldn't have planned it any better - just perfect.

I have nothing to say

I have no words.

Seriously, none.

Theoretically this little post would be introducing you to my blog - you know, telling you what to expect, why I created the blog in the first place, and informing you of the life-changing goodness that you will experience each and every time you visit. But here's the thing - I created this blog over a year ago and I still don't know what you can expect (or what I expect, for that matter), I can't remember exactly why I created it, and I don't believe for a second that I actually have anything to say that will change your life (for the better, at least).

Yeah, so I created a blog. A year ago. And for a year nothing changed - I didn't post a single thing! Starting a blog seemed like a good idea at the time, but once I started typing I quickly realized that in order to create a blog post you need to have something to say, and I had nothing. Now I am aware that countless people talk, type, and text endlessly when they really have nothing to say, but I didn't want to join that club. Now perhaps you're thinking "Great! He spent a year coming up with intelligent and relevant topics to blog about, right? Or at least spent a year compiling funny stories to share? This should be good." Well...no. I just waited a year to join the 'I have nothing to say but I'm saying it anyway' club. Sorry to disappoint.

But seriously, why am I starting a blog? It's a good question, but I'm not totally sure how to answer it. I honestly can't remember the circumstances that prompted me to create the blog, but there are a couple reasons I decided to keep it. First of all, I like to write. I'm not a talented writer - I have a small vocabulary, I use too many commas and way too many periods, and I put dashes where they don't belong - but I like to write and wanted to find a place where I could write and people could read. It's not that any of you need to read what I write, I just need somebody to read it. I have this strange belief that if I write something that nobody reads, it is as if it had never been written, and in most cases that just doesn't make sense. Of course, most of what I write will probably be fairly pointless, so maybe it does make sense? Moving on....

The second reason I've decided to become some sort of blogger is the fact that a lot of people that know me don't really know me. Hold on...what? True story. Although I'm not really sure why, I've noticed I'm not very good at letting people get to know me - the me you know (sarcastic, freakishly laid back, carefree, sarcastic, and a little more sarcastic), is not the whole me. Of course it would be foolish to believe that just by writing random nothingness on the interweb everybody will suddenly know me on a whole different level, but I do think that allowing you a little glimpse into my brain will be a good thing - for me at least.

So, with all of that being said, welcome to my blog! I'm sure it will be more self-indulgent than necessary (or than is even acceptable..sorry Sister), and more pointless than not, but here it is. I can't promise your visit will be worth your time, I can't guarantee that you'll enjoy what you read, and I am certain that my blogging skills will pale in comparison with those on display here and here (by two of my favorite people on the planet, by the way), but what you read will be real, and that's what I'm going for. Pointless? Yes. Long-winded? Obviously. Will I be trying too hard? Most likely. But real nonetheless.

I hope you enjoy your stay.

Dear Wife-to-be

Dear Wife-to-be,

I'm trying.

I'm trying to find you. I realize this is exactly what I should be doing, and I will admit it's taken me longer to get started than it should have, so I don't tell you this in some paltry attempt to impress - I just want you to know that I'm trying. Please don't give up on me - it sure would be disappointing if I found you right as you found someone else.

I don't know you yet, but I know this - you're out of my league. You are out of my league and I thank you for it. I wake up every morning with the intent of becoming a little bit better, doing a little bit more, so that, day by day, I can get closer to where you already are. Of course, your rate of improvement is greater than mine, so I'll never actually catch up, but that's okay - just know I'm trying.

Now let me just tell you - I'm crazy about you! You make me want to sing out loud and dance the night away, and those are two things I don't often have the desire to do. It's your hair, your eyes, and your smile..and it's much more than that - it's you.

There are so many things I want to tell you, so much I'd like to share, but it will just have to wait - I've got to find you first. There are a lot of things I don't know, but this one thing I have come to know all too well - I will never truly be home, until I find you.

And I want to go home.

I'm trying. Remember that, will you?